Crazy thoughts... :)

The past couple of days have been a little overwhelming for various reasons, but most of all because all of a sudden, I'm starting to settle down. In the past two days, I've decided I am going to start looking for a house. To buy. Here. And get a dog. Not necessarily in that order. I called Brianne last night to make sure that I'm not going crazy, and she assured me that I'm not, so I guess I'm not.

On Tuesday, I went to Denver for a conference and on the way, just happened to have time to stop and ride my horse. For those of you who haven't ridden or don't understand the connection, I can't do the experience justice. If I were to say anything, I would say it's a religious experience. Not to blaspheme, but given my atheistic tendencies, I'm not too worried. I've never felt that way in a church.

Anyway, I try to get on a horse as often as I can, and on one horse in particular. Ruby is a little red horse (I said I would NEVER have a little red horse) who belongs to my friend, Jim. I've been lucky for the past year and a half to get to ride her whenever I can get down there. She keeps me sane, and probably helps keep me here. My time riding her is my best thinking time. And I had a great ride on Tuesday.

Which brings me to the point of this post, and a little insight into the cloudy brain of Heather. It was a gorgeous Colorado day and I got to thinking (bad, bad idea) that maybe I don't want to leave for a long while. I'm getting more accustomed to these thoughts, but to be perfectly honest, it has been a bit of a mindfuck over the past year not having the urge to flee into the unknown. When a central part of your identity is based around constant movement and transition, it knocks you off balance to actually be satisfied where you are.

I went to Mom's house after riding and got to spend a little time with my amazing mother, who is my best friend and greatest supporter through all my journeys. She has total faith in me in spite of my sometimes disorganized life. We talked and she gave me hugs and by the time I left, I felt pretty ready to start the process of trying to find a house.

Brianne says I am not crazy, but I have to admit, I'm a little scared about doing this all on my own. In the long run, though, I know I can live my life the way I want it to be. I've never really fallen into other peoples' expectations, so I'm not sure why I should start now. Whew! I should wave a banner or something. :) Umm, Brianne and Mamacita, thanks. When I'm totally in debt in my new house with my new dog, eating Kraft mac n' cheese and baked beans, I expect visits.

Not to get too far ahead of myself, but I live in my dreams. It hasn't led me too far astray thus far. And as long as I have good friends and mountains (and Ruby), I might as well stick around. Plus, ski season is here, so I'll be well distracted from reality for at least the next few months...

Much love. hdc